3 A.M. I'm sprawled out on my improvised double bed, staring out the window. Into darkness, into nothingness, I don't care what it's called. I'm exhausted to the point I want to cry, yet I cannot fall asleep. The room's a cool 67 degrees, a merciful reprieve from the sauna that my room at 215 has become. It's quiet, dark, and peaceful-except for the thoughts screaming in my head.
At 21 years, you think I'd know what I want. You think I'd be able to tell you that I have my entire life planned out for me. But, the truth is, I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that right now, nothing makes sense. What I have planned for my life is as apt to change every given minute. Although, I do know that in eleven months, I am going to seize the chance to get out of here. There is one thing that keeps me going-the thought that I am constantly looking for something-for the meaning of life, for who I am, to understand the why of things, my other half, a passionate night in Italy, a best-selling book, a discovery of an Egyptian artifact, unconditional love-I don't know. I just know there is something out there. For me. Because of me. It just keeps me going. At this given moment, the only thing I can tell you is that my plan is to enjoy life, and think about the consequences later. I'm a grown adult, and mature and all, but I'm still only young once. For awhile, I'd forgotten what made me happy. Perhaps it was because I was trying too hard. Lately, I've remembered that it really is the little things that make me laugh. I'm just going to appreciate what I have, enjoy every day, and the rest will eventually fall into place.
No comments:
Post a Comment